i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize