Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
