He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
