Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

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  (609): it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores http://tfl.nu/lmvr
  Replies (10) Good night (3388) Bad night (912)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (7652) Bad night (1207)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3474) Bad night (951)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.

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  (225): Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper. http://tfl.nu/6qsz
  Replies (10) Good night (2126) Bad night (672)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.

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  (208): I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single? (1-208): Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well. http://tfl.nu/96dv
  Replies (10) Good night (1647) Bad night (483)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.

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  (913): But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress. http://tfl.nu/jhgc
  Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (446)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option

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  (253): My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option http://tfl.nu/xa3f
  Replies (11) Good night (870) Bad night (527)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.

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  (425): I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone. http://tfl.nu/vl0d
  Replies (7) Good night (1717) Bad night (608)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He would drink pee if it was in a beer can

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  (815): He would drink pee if it was in a beer can http://tfl.nu/8ib0
  Replies (16) Good night (435) Bad night (973)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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  (617): My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me. http://tfl.nu/up6q
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (425)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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  (515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci
  Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (283)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....

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  (312): Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird.... http://tfl.nu/u9p7
  Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (618)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?

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  (+44): What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles? http://tfl.nu/033m
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (299)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.

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  (403): Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up? (1-403): No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying. http://tfl.nu/1r8l
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (248)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt

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  (262): Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt http://tfl.nu/h0wg
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (388)

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