Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after