people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too