My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.