I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
