Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
