We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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