Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
