she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
