either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
