he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
