I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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