we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
