Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
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Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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