she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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