peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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