I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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