I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
