Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
