Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
nutella sex= disaster
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
