We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
