Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize