just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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