he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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