Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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