If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
