My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
