hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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