Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
