More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
