I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You ruined the universe
Randomize
