Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
