I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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