I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
