i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
