They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
