The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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