I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
