I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
