i think my tv is drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
