My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michael Bay diarrhea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so let's talk penis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
