I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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