I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
