The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
