escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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