I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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