me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
