I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
