True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
