Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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