highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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