u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
