he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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