You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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