dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
