We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
