At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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