dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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