More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
