Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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