just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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