so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
